Humour

Hitler’s Isle of Doom (Crete) – an ode

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An Ode from the Australian 2/1 Field Ambulance in Crete, 1941

Drunk AIF politically incorrect hymn of 1941

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Political correctness wasn’t a strong suit and I’m guessing Lt. Peterson was a bit of a lad.

Living life to the max (when he could)

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It is hard not to get a bit misty eyes reading my grandfather’s letters. I only wish I had done it earlier. From New Guinea he wrote about how much he grew to appreciate life. Then again he knew he, like his mates, could be offed at any moment. Lt Peterson wrote on 16 March 1943,

”Next time I go home – when God only knows – I will profit from previous mistakes of my previous leavein that this time I’m going to have a hell of a fling in case it’s my last! I have 108 pounds in my paybook and it will be none by the time I get home – I mean you can’t help but save in an operational area because there is nothing to buy, not even a stamp. Our tobacco is issued by the Comfort Fund. Our recreations  -nil. Except talk and letter writing and I pine for the bright lights and life and gaiety. – the flick, – children, -trams, – shops, a pot of beer, – electric light, – steak, fish and chips. I am going to by some civvy clothes this leave to get the feel of them again. We take life’s amenities for granted too much I think. At least the army has taught me to place a value on things I never gave a thought for…

…At the moment I’m in tip top condition. Lean as a rake as usual but feel extra well. I suppose its the air. Old Nippon is a bit quiet here at the moment- but I guess the big news will break shortly – you’ll know when and are we ready and rarin’ to go?…

…you have no idea how eagerly mail is looked forward to by the boys. As soon as it comes up the track the cry goes up, “Mail’s in!” And you get knocked down in the stampede…

…excuse me for a moment. I’m about to partake in half a huge succulent pawpaw with lemon all for nothing…like some? It was delicious indeed…

a lot of blokes to save razor blades are sporting mutton chops and side levers with waxed moustaches – it gives ‘em something to do. Crimes some of ‘em look funny…

…Sgt Wilcox is now telling me about his past girlfriends- all virgins of course-but it is going in one ear and out the other as I write. Capt “Doggy” Reid after having been staring into a hurricane lamp for the last past hour just made us laugh. Usually the quiet type, he hasn’t said a word since meal time, but just stood up and said , “Japanese Bastards!!”and went straight to bed. It sounded funny as hell. He has been daydreaming about his missus and leave – it’s a moral

tell Jim to lay in a stock of plonk and we’ll down it like nobody’s business!”

It would appear from reading all the other letters that the troops were feeling far more confident they’d win against the Japanese. This is perhaps his cheeriest letter with battle hardened experience behind him. It reads much like the pre battle stationing in Palestine. Truly powerful stuff.

 

Count Dankula of Nazi salute pug infamy escapes prison term

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Scottish comedian Count Dankula taught his girlfriend’s pug to do a Nazi salute as a prank. The video went viral. Regardless of the level of one’s taste in humour, he clearly never intended it as a hate crime. Luckily for the Count, the courts have ruled that he doesn’t need to do a 12mth jail term as was flagged. The fact that it even saw the inside of a courtroom shows just how ridiculous the legal system is becoming. The Crown initially claimed he was inciting hatred against Jews. Count Dankula was convicted of a crime with an £800 fine.

Unlike Kathy Griffin who has seen her career nosedive since after the Trump decapitation stunt, Count Dankula is likely to see a jump in following because he hasn’t made a song and dance about being a victim of his own making.

PM Turnbull is Labor Party’s biggest asset

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While our PM lost the 30th straight poll, a benchmark he used to shoot the incumbent PM Abbott, he vows to win the election. Perhaps he should get Dale Kerrigan as his campaign manager to assist in the victory. Here is betting Turnbull steps down before the next election to smell the roses and take time with family. His ego will unlikely survive electoral defeat. For a man that doesn’t live by the very standards he sets not only proves he’s an hypocrite, but shows he is a far bigger asset to the Labor Party than even Bill Shorten.

The day Elon Musk gets asked by…

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Elon Musk said in the FY2017 conference call today: “Super Bullish…What I find sort of interesting is that our competitors – the car industry thinks they’re really good at manufacturing. And actually they are quite good at manufacturing, but they just don’t realize just how much potential there is for improvement. It’s way more than they think…I went through this math I think on a prior earnings call, but like it sounds like some of the fastest car factories produce a car maybe every 25 seconds. That sounds fast. But if you think of a 5-meter long car, including gap, and a 4.5 meter car with a half meter gap or something, that’s only 0.2 meters per second. Like grandma with a walker can exceed the speed of the fastest production line we’re in, so really no that fast. Walking speed is one meter per second, so five times faster than the fastest production line on earth.”

Listening to commentary like this just shows how cavalier the processes at Tesla are. The day Tesla gets called in by other kings of industry for lessons on production techniques the comment will hold water.

Toyota, which has coined almost every manufacturing effficiency jargon over 50 years, was invited by Porsche to fix its problems in the 90s. Several years ago Toyota was called in to help Lockheed Martin streamline production of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter because of the massive cost overruns. The day Boeing calls up Elon Musk for tips on how to belt out more 787s two slices of humble pie will be consumed immediately.

Seriously one has to question how this board can believe it has the potential to be worth more than all the other volume and luxury auto majors combined when they make such fictitious claims. Sounds like Sakamoto from Elpida promising endless dreams. Elpida went belly up because it failed to deliver. .