Humour

4 more years

D7665EC9-4944-4A29-ABEF-846E31D54220.jpeg

Start laughing. It is ok. It is the same thing heard time and time again since forecasting it back in mid-2015. Yes, at this rate he is staring at another 4 years should his health hold out. This week capped off yet another mad push for so called ‘progressive’ (regressive) values will only drive the wedge of division ever deeper. People are growing sick and tired of being told how they must think. When liberal TV host Bill Maher admits openly that “Democrats, this movement to childproof the world has made Republicans the party of freedom and Democrats the party of poopers.” you know they are in trouble. Yet they can’t help being victims. Have you already forgotten how the liberals turned on Rachel Maddow over the tax returns? Yet one can guess they won’t run a more centrist candidate like Bill Clinton in 2020 but one pushing the thresholds of the identity kit. If they can find a genderless Dreamer who was raised by a North Korean Muslim lesbian couple they’ll have their ‘person’.

Sure liberals can celebrate the admission of girls into the Boy Scouts. It will probably become Scouts of America where tying knots will be replaced with wearing a rainbow scarf, learning gender fluidity while being banned from rubbing two sticks together to make fire because it is harmful to the environment.  No doubt they’ll learn the correct use of genderless pronouns which in reality will be of high value because the State of California would sooner jail citizens for incorrect use of language than properly vetting illegal immigrants. By the way how silent has the media been now that the Supreme Court ruled 8-1 to approve the revised travel ban? No matter how one might hate it or view its insensitivity, many of those that voted for him will happily chalk it up as a win. He ran that as part of his election campaign. Get over it.

Of course celebrating  Columbus Day 2017 was yet another chance to bash colonialists for things that modern day descendants had nothing to do with.  The City of Detroit wants to replace it with Indigenous People’s Day. Well truth be told that Michiganites born in America are indeed indigenous. We had this debate in Australia this year where socialist and Greens city councils in the Marxist state of Victoria went beyond their remit of collecting rubbish and keeping park amenities clean by announcing they would be scrapping Australia Day. Instead of asking their 240,000 residents for their opinion they rigged a poll by asking 80 activists and even then couldn’t muster more than 60% in favour of their preferred name of ‘Invasion Day’. Talk of pathetic when they can’t even get all of the victims onside. Yet the mayor of one of the councils decided to speak down to those who couldn’t accept it by telling them they lacked ‘education’. The irony was that many prominent aborigines are in favour of Australia Day because it celebrates togetherness and how far the nation has come rather than rake over coals that happened  230 years ago. Yet the socialists made out that calling it Australia Day for aborigines was the equivalent to the Jews as Germans celebrating ‘Holocaust Day’. Seriously?

This year statues of former Confederate generals like Robert E Lee sparked outrage when nary we heard a peep beforehand. Even people like basketball legend Charles Barkley said he has never driven past any statues and associated them with any excuse to grieve today. So once again Australia copied suit. Calling for the removal of statues of Captain James Cook, Governors Phillip and Macquarie, because they weren’t discoverers and settlers but ‘invaders’. Yet liberals will happily find this as another excuse to play the victim by erasing the history they don’t like. Get rid of the statues and it won’t be long before the next victim case arrives in the in-tray to protest over. Once again, people are tired of the lectures. Sick of being told they should feel guilty for things they had no control over because they weren’t even born at the time. How can we possibly move forward if they’re forever wanting people not responsible for things to apologize and be wracked with guilt? Move on!

Then we have had the NFL saga. The original BLM protest started by Kaepernick kneeling has been so diluted from its original purpose that the controversial quarterback promises to stand during the anthem if he can have a multi million dollar contract again. The initial shirt fronting bluster of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has turned into a 180 degree retreat after Trump tweeted about considering cutting the generous tax breaks the league receives. Money talks greater than protests in the end. Fans were sick of the in their face protests when they wanted to unwind in front of the ball game. While progressives scream the right to ‘freedom of speech’, fans merely exercised freedom of consumption – burning memorabilia and season tickets. The very money that pays the multi million dollar salaries of the players have a right to get what they handed over their hard earned dollars for. Even if they want to draw attention to a worthy cause do fans require it drilled into them every game? This is the problem with the left. It bangs on incessantly that it ends turning people off. I have not heard of fans complaining of any players protesting on their own time. Whether we like it or not, NFL players are employees. If any of us took a knee to our boss who told us to manage a difficult account you shouldn’t be surprised if you’re demoted or worse. It is not a violation of free speech. It is dissent – pure and simple. Just like those openly using tax-payer funded websites to vilify their boss. Once again, send a mail to your boss cc-ing the firm and tell him or her what a complete jerk they are and see how long you last.

Now we have Weinstein. Liberal celebrities are trying to cover up their own impropriety (Affleck, Kimmel et al) post the exposure of ‘one of their own’ by turning on POTUS. There has been tweet and post after post on Trump’s ‘p*ssy grab’ tape (which by the way he was elected in full knowledge of voters) being just as bad as Weinstein. While once can cry foul that these are double standards to OK the president but vilify Weinstein for disrespecting women, his legion of followers have more of an issue with Hollywood hypocrites try to push their heightened sense of values on them when they so blatantly hid a monster that served their lavish lives. The deplorables are sick of these liberals lecturing them. It is not a question of who is worse – Trump or Weinstein- but having actors talk down to them in such sanctimonious fashion.

Then it was only a few weeks back that Michelle Obama was bludgeoning American women for obeying their husbands at the polling booth and abandoning the ‘sisters’. Does Mrs Obama honestly believe she will sway female Trump voters back to being Democrats by calling out their supposed lack of intelligence. What a slap in the face to all women to have her patronize them. I do not recall her making those sweeping statements to get a woman in the Oval Office when Hillary ran against her husband in 2008?

So the only message to liberals is that if they want to get rid of the President then they ought to pay attention to all of the things which cost them the election in 2016. If anything they’ve amplified the noise which turned people away in droves. One can see the 2020 election campaign by the Democrats. It will crank up victimhood, identity politics and focus on trying to get people married to the state. Isn’t it telling that Trump said if politicians don’t want to overhaul Obamacare then they can switch from a bountiful taxpayer healthcare plan to the system they are resisting  change – how silent they’ve become…then again how many from both sides of the house are on the payroll of big pharmaceutical companies…? This is the thing – it is no longer GOP vs Democrats – both are not behind POTUS. If he ran as an independent he’d win.

The way the liberals can win is to encourage open, rational debate (like the Trump rally which gave their stage to BLM protestors to wonderfully unify them on many levels), allow conservatives to speak on campus on issues without causing trigger warnings, micro aggression and safe spaces and to refrain from shoving every political issue in the electorate’s face at every opportunity.  Failure to do so will practically guarantee a return of the incumbent in 2020. All the signs point to an even bigger defeat. Keep up the good work. The only fear is that any the rate your expending grievances you may run out of things to moan about when the next 4 years eventually arrive.

Stephen Colbert is to comedy what Conor McGregor is to humility

If people are struggling to get to grips with their president by blathering on as champagne socialists at the Emmys I am seriously struggling to see how Colbert is paid as a comedian. Comedians are not necessarily funny because of the ‘jokes’ per se but the ability to put their audience into seeing the reality behind the jokes. Take someone like Ricky Gervais. His humour is probably the best ever seen because he has such a commanding method to see the pathetic side of humans. Whether the horrible boss in The Office to the extra who becomes a famous writer and loses it all again in Extras, Gervais draws his audience because we all know someone like the characters he uses. Seinfeld was also gifted in this way. Richard Prior was crass but hilarious. Dave Chappelle, Monty Python, Steve Merchant, Ashley Jensen or Ramona Marquez- comics that get it.

Apart from Colbert’s continual obsession with Nazis (salutes and swastikas) his routines stink. If the CBS producers were desperate for ratings, why would they pick such a lame act? Is it any wonder it flopped.  Could it be that viewers are sick and tired of celebrities whining about their president that they can’t be bothered tuning in. There is a thought! Instead Dan rather blathers online about the fact SeanSpicer’s appearance withoutba trigger warning

Jerry Seinfeld perhaps summed up these award events perfectly in 2007

At moments like this I would like to quote my good friend Carl Reiner, who has often said to me: “You don’t give awards to comedians”. First of all, comedians don’t need awards, awards are for people that are looking for work, we’re not looking for work. If you’re any good as a comedian, you’ve got tons of work. We’ve all got wrinkled suits and smelly shirts from packing and unpacking and schlepping all over the goddamn country doing 10 million different kinds of gigs.

And secondly and even more important is your whole career as a comedian is about making fun of pretentious, high minded, self-congratulatory B.S. events like this one. The whole feeling in this room of reverence and honoring is the exact opposite of everything I have wanted my life to be about. I – I – I really don’t want to be up here. I want to be in the back over there – somewhere over there saying something funny to somebody about what a crock this whole thing is.

And I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I don’t want you to think that I’m not honored by this, because I’m, I feel very, very honored, and it’s – but it’s just that awards are stupid. Every real estate office has some framed, five-diamond president’s award thing by the desk, every hotel check-in has some gold circle service thing; every car salesman is a platinum jubilee winner. It’s all a big jerk off. It is, the hotel sucks, the real estate person is stupid, and the only thing the car salesman is good at is ripping you off.

And why? Because awards don’t mean a goddamn thing. It’s stupid, they’re all stupid. All of the award shows on TV. Honestly, it’s beyond me that we feel the need to set aside a night to give out these jaggoff bowling trophies six times a year, so all these people can pat each other on the back about how much money they’re making; boring the piss out of half the world. And if I hadn’t already won all these awards, I would not be talking like this.

The truth is that the comedians should be the only one getting awards. We’re the only ones that have to actually think of something original and funny, and interesting to say, you know, how hard that is? Do you know how hard it was just to write what I’m saying to you right now? It was hard, this took a long time, but we can do it, we can do it.

I’m just you know, sick of all these actors and you know, I don’t know why we’re so fascinated with actors in this culture. They haven’t got a thought in their stupid bed-head hairdo mini brains. Why are – we must honor this man, why? He pretended to be Bob Johnson. He is a genius, I tell you, it’s genius what he is doing, playing dress up and pretend is not genius ladies and gentleman, it’s not genius.”

If only PM Turnbull didn’t stick to his day job either

IMG_9193

Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull thought his speech mocking President Trump at the Mid Winter Ball in Canberra wouldn’t be seen by outsiders despite this day and age where cameras are everywhere and leaks are almost a fact of life. In a desperate attempt to sound funny, Turnbull torched the man he fawned over at the White House. Turnbull  has such poor judgement much less any place in comedy. It’s bad enough that journalism plunges new lows on a daily basis but worse when an elected official decides to rip a close ally in this fashion.

The irony of his speech is that his poll numbers are dreadful.

Now Kathy Griffin is the helpless victim

IMG_9108.PNG

What a blithering idiot. If she couldn’t see that her stunt was potentially career ending then it is hard to have sympathy. Did she not weigh up her decision in the days and weeks it would have taken to prepare the prop? Did she not seek third party advice? Now she’s playing the victim card. How pathetic. She even hired a lawyer to defend her from attacks from the Trump family. I would imagine most sane families would hound you if you held a mock decapitation of the head of the family. Let’s see if she is crowd funded to keep her out of self inflicted poverty.

The likes of Jim Carey came out to say that comedy is all about crossing lines. To a point he is right but Griffin’s stunt at no point had a comic element to it. This was a venomous, targeted and mal-intended event to make a point of her dislike for her democratically elected leader. Amazing how she can go on TV as a victim. The reason she has been fired is that the networks is they don’t think she’ll be a drawcard. Given the low cost of online platforms maybe she can set up her own pay-per-view comedy channel and see how popular she really is. Sorry Kathy, you own this.

Sir Roger Moore passes away

IMG_0675.JPG

Sir Roger Moore was the James Bond I grew up with as a kid. Where Sean Connery was suave, Moore was typecast as the toff deviant Casanova who always met up with Jaws. Sir Roger’s Bond films seemed more comedy than action. I was such a petrol head even then that I think I wore out the magnetic tape listening to Moore drive a stolen Alfa Romeo GTV6 to the US Air Force base in Octopussy. Who could forget him saying to the UK Minister of Defence ‘just keeping the British end up‘ as he was caught cavorting with Triple X in Stromberg’s escape pod when it landed on the back of a navy ship. Or ‘attempting re-entry’ in Moonraker or being ‘taken care of personally’ by MayDay (Grace Jones) in A View to a Kill. He made the safari suit look cool.

After Moore followed Timothy Dalton who was more of a wound up type. The kind of person that would tailgate you on a highway. Then came the dapper Brosnan and then the mysterious tough guy, Daniel Craig, we have today. Moore certainly typified the times. In a sense he was the least politically correct of the Bonds which is perhaps why he was one of my favourites, It would be nice to think the world would get off its hypersensitive victim culture and laugh at itself much like rolling the eyes at Moore’s corny one liners. Thank you for the memories Sir Roger.

Why Alan Joyce didn’t take one for the team

IMG_9802.JPG

While getting smacked in the face with a pie was uncalled for, the decision by Qantas CEO Alan Joyce to press charges against the perpetrator is over the top and actually harms the cause he chooses to enslave his own employees by. Had he chosen to laugh at it and make light of the situation he would have not only taken the moral high ground but showed he was above it. In the process show that those for it aren’t so brittle and fragile. Still Joyce couldn’t resist the opportunity to press charges when the only damage was done to his tailor’s heart! Jeremy Clarkson showed the right way how to deal with being pied. He could have turned it to a massive advantage which is now an own goal.

I’ve written before that I think his use of Qantas as a way to publicize marriage equality is dead wrong. One of his stunts was to get staff to wear ‘acceptance’ rings and distribute them to passengers as a way to promote it. I said it was wrong. I suppose were someone to politely decline to wear one they’d undoubtedly be branded homophobic, bigoted and summarily ostracized for such expressing such views. That they may indeed support gay marriage but not feel it important enough in their list of priorities (mortgages, job security, kid’s school, health etc) to do more. That is a conscious choice. Fail to wear the ring and perhaps your career takes a turn for the worse all because you don’t want to be forced to outwardly express your political views. Yet if you feel forced to wear one that makes you a slave.

Corporations should keep their political views to themselves. If Alan Joyce wants to go on a personally crusade to fight for the cause he can do it on his own time not on the shareholders clock. If CEOs feel so passionately about politics maybe they should come down from their multi-million dollar ivory towers and run for office for a fraction of the pay. Now that IS the best way to show you truly back the cause (of course assuming people would vote you into office).

Here I was thinking the Irish had a sense of hunour? In the case Mr Joyce you didn’t take one for the team! What a place he could have shown it – a speech on why leadership matters.

One’s idea of perfection is another’s failure

IMG_9783

Had an oil service done on my motorbike yesterday. They undercharged me 2-yen by mistake. As the receipt they wrote was for 2-yen more they will post a new receipt for 120-yen postage with a reply paid envelope for another 120-yen. Such is the perfectionist culture they’ll suck up 120x the cost (excluding Labour and stationery) to cover a 2-yen mistake. In the West we’d just chip in 2-yen of our own and put it to bed. Not a criticism but an observation of how this culture is so different. How often the West forgets culture when analyzing Japan.